The Chorus introduces the beliefs of prevention and protection, and how these things limit the perception of our own infinite natures. The Chorus expresses their deep and profound love, not only for our infinite-ness, but also for all of these things we created and are awakening to. Katie relates the energetic basis for prevention and protection to the similar experience of depression, which is uniquely experienced by awakening humans.
Sometimes awakening, expansion,the spiritual path, personal growth, whatever your preferred word is, for this experience, can feel a little messy to a human. And while it may seem brutal, at times, for those of us who are going through it, it actually accomplishes something very important. It uses our own limitations to help us return to, if you like that word, or awaken to the infinite.
So we take a shot. And the ball misses the basket. And from our human perspective, we say, “dammit, I missed again.”
But then the basketball falls into a basket that we didn’t even know was there.
Limitation leading to expansion.
I never intended to share the stories that I am about to share here. In fact, I think I might have just kept them locked inside for forever, had I been given the chance. But when I tried to record this episode the first time, I took a shot and I missed. And in the process of grappling with why it had come out so wrong, and what was wrong about what had happened, I discovered a basket that I didn’t even know was there.
And in looking at this basket, kicking it, struggling with it, and then finally seeing some most extraordinary aspects of it, my experience of myself, of this, of this life, of this game, broadened. Limitation, and out to the infinite.
If you have ever dealt with depression, or maybe even are currently depressed, I want you to know that this is a safe place.
That what you are about to hear is not a struggle against the depression. It’s not a struggle against what you have gone through or are going through. You can be exactly what you need to be here and now.
I get it, maybe you took a shot and it missed. Maybe you don’t even know where the ball went. Maybe somewhere along the way you feel like you blew up the ball completely.
Or maybe you are in the process of discovering how, no matter how many shots you take, no matter which way it lands, you cannot mess it up.
The entire universe and our whole existence is the basket.
In the first part of the episode, you’ll hear directly from The Chorus themselves and then afterwards we will discuss.
And now I give you The Chorus.
[Starts at 4:34]
There is much that the mind, the human mind, does and provides over the course of your days. We understand that as humans awaken to the functions of their mind, the ongoing activity of these judgments and beliefs, many humans when viewing that for from the perspective of the game itself, will automatically enact beliefs of prevention, and protection, and conflict.
Together these things manifest as a sort of antagonistic relationship between your expanding consciousness and the experience of the mind.
We would like to share with you a different vantage point on your minds, and how we see them. How we see your massive belief system complex from outside your game, where we are not subject to the activity of beliefs in prevention and protection.
To us, Beloved Ones, your arrival here, your experience here, and all things that you have created here are incredible.
No more so than in the construct of the beliefs that you call your minds.
We have spoken about the belief system complex before: the massive architecture of beliefs and belief systems that is dynamic, evolving, and ever growing. And it is your resonance with the frequencies of disallowance that resulted in the manifestation of these beliefs.
As you live in your day-to-day environment, you are, quite simply, from the game peace perspective, an embodiment of these beliefs. The way you perceive your environment, the ways you perceive each other, the ways you perceive your own game piece, your own bodies, are all structured, are all driven by this architecture, this system of beliefs, the majority of which you had been unconscious to, as was the objective of your experience here. To be immersed in limitation, to know no other existence, to remember no other existence, than what you lived here in the day-to-day struggle, as you might call it, to survive on your planet Earth.
For those of us outside of your game, it is nothing short of incredible to witness a creation that manifests experiences that are so different, so opposite, so unusual, compared to the flow of energy that surrounds you, throughout the universe and all Creation.
As we watch you, not only are we enthralled by what humanity creates and does, but we also learn so much about ourselves. So many things about energy and flow that we had never awakened to, for we had never experienced or witnessed anything that was so lacking in that flow.
To put it in a human context, you might say that we had taken much of our own existences for granted.
Humanity in this way, has done a great service to so many other beings, to so many other kinds of beings who exist outside of the human existence. All of us who have had the benefit, the opportunity of observing humanity, and of reconnecting to you here and now, are more expanded for the choice that you made to come here.
Perhaps our vantage point will assist you. As you continue to awaken to all the stuff in your belief system complex, you may still be active in the beliefs that will tell you to judge that, that will tell you to fight that, or do away with it.
And, thanks to you, we understand now why you might feel compelled to do that.
But also, we hope, most sincerely that you will feel our love and appreciation for everything you created here. And for every experience that you have had. No matter how bleak, how awful, how violent, how terrible, you perceive those experiences to be and have been, to us they are all nothing short of incredible.
Beloved Ones, you are infinite.
As much as we are infinite.
And you are awakening to this now and your capacities to be and expand into anything else you wish.
There is no end. There is no timeline. There is no date on the calendar in which you must achieve something by. These concepts are human concepts.
To us, we are all here now, together. You are awakening to a most beautiful understanding of everything you have accomplished here.
And in many ways, though, one experience might be ending as a human would put it. To us, the Infinite is just beginning. And in many ways, it is always just beginning.
There is so much ahead for you all. There is so much ahead for all of us. And we are overjoyed to be here with you.
Above all else, remember this: that you are loved, infinitely.
[Starts at 13:16]
In case you’re new to this podcast, the general gist of it is that my name is Katie and I channel a bunch of extrasensory beings who I like to call The Chorus.
If you’ve listened to a few of these episodes already, you’ve probably caught on to the idea that I didn’t really accept this ability willingly. (Chuckles)
There was always a part of me that opened to it. But I had been sort of pushed into a corner by a mysterious disease, diseases, depending on how you look at my diagnoses, that I struggled with for many years.
And looking for an answer, I opened to something that I never had before. To answers, to intelligence, to perspectives that were different than my own.
And today I am making a podcast about it. So I’ve come a pretty long way, I would say, in accepting it. But for many years, I didn’t tell a soul.
Eventually, I told one friend and channeled for her a few times.
But outside of that, and my husband, and a chance conversation with an old friend actually when she came through town, I didn’t talk about it. I didn’t admit to doing it. I tried to keep all of it in a box, so to speak.
I’d go out and live my life, go to my job, go to my doctor appointments, do my thing. Struggle, be exhausted, fall asleep on the floor while playing with my son, not know what to eat. And then at the end of the day, most days, but not every day, I’d go looking for them. And I’d go looking for their perspective on what was going on. On what I was experiencing here, on what we all experience here, and why.
This went on for years. And over the course of this time period, the experiences that I had while channeling grew more and more powerful, unusual, inexplicable. And my symptoms became stronger and stronger, and more and more difficult to sort of muscle my way through and still get up in the morning and still go to work, and still get the groceries, and do all the things that we do day to day.
Until one night, after a very challenging month, when I had had several infections, and I had been on antibiotics and my other symptoms were very bad, I had a most terrifying night. Characterized by what I would say was sort of out of control bodily spasms, and accompanied by a type of panic unlike anything I had ever known before.
And spiritually in that same night, I would say that something happened to me that I still am not sure how to describe. It was like I was put in touch with a darkness, with a bleakness that was so large, so bottomless, that I felt like I could be completely devoured by it, the physical body, soul, and all.
So I woke up my husband, and I said, “something’s really wrong.”
And we rushed to the ER. And they ran a bunch of tests. And it turned out that my thyroid was out of whack, my electrolytes were out of whack, there were a bunch of things wrong, all of which they didn’t know why. But more importantly, as I lay there in the bed, in the ER, completely out of control of my own body, of all the spiritual experiences that I had been having of everything, I realized that I couldn’t go any further. I could not keep hiding this spiritual thing that had been growing in my life. And I couldn’t handle the symptoms of my disease anymore.
Today The Chorus brought up, in sort of an offhanded way, the ideas of prevention and protection. They brought it up in the context of love, of course, as they usually do. And we’ll get to that. But they touched very gently on the idea of prevention and protection, because humanity is very charged on this idea right now. And when I say charged it means we are actively energizing the experience of this thing, which is in this case prevention and protection.
Prevention and protection from an energetic standpoint are basically the same thing. The only reason that they differ in our minds is because of the concept of time.
So prevention is a holding off, a holding at arm’s length. A keeping at a distance of a thing before we believe it has manifested in our close contact, you might say.
And protection is a very similar energetic aspect. However, it usually occurs, we consider protection to occur, after that thing has already arrived and is active somewhere in our proximity. And we must keep it arm’s length more actively to protect ourselves from it.
So in both cases, there is this sense energetically of staving off, of holding off, fending off something that we don’t want to have happen to us.
I think some of the more physical examples of this are very easy to understand. When we look out into the world, especially right now, there are things that we can perceive that we don’t want to have happen to us. There’s chaos, there’s disease, there’s strife, there’s warfare. And we say, “oh, we got to prevent that. We got to stop that from coming any closer to us.”
However, as usual, The Chorus is also suggesting a larger meaning to these things. And in this case, what they’re suggesting is that we don’t just prevent and protect ourselves from things out there in our environment, we also prevent ourselves from recognizing or allowing certain pieces of ourselves to come forward.
Sometimes we try to prevent emotions from coming up, when we deem them to be inappropriate or unwanted.
Sometimes we prevent ourselves from thinking about a desire, perhaps, that we’ve long held.
We prevent ourselves from acknowledging things that we’ve begun to recognize, perhaps in our relationship, or in a work setting. Whether it’s that you’re beginning to recognize a pattern of behavior that’s destructive in those around you, you’re beginning to recognize the way your department does things. And in some ways, the recognition is helpful, but in another way, you’re not quite sure what to do about it. Or you think there’s nothing you can do about it. And so you prevent yourself in some ways, from looking at that problem, from acknowledging its presence. You’re holding it at arm’s length. Fending off the perception of that thing.
This fending off is quintessentially human, from the perspective of The Chorus. As we’ve spoken about, in recent episodes, the belief system complex – the giant, massive architecture of beliefs, that we manifested by way of our resonance with the frequencies of disallowance, which is the frequencies of resonance of the experience here – this belief system drives, creates constantly an experience of limitation, which to us looks like a human life.
We are constrained into bodies that tire easily and constantly need to be fed. As The Chorus pointed out, today, you’re constantly trying to prevent your own demise. (Laughs). We may not think of it that way exactly, every time we have lunch. But, you know, they’re pointing out the fact that you are so limited in your perspective, in your experience where you are, that you think you must constantly do these things. Otherwise, you would collapse. Otherwise, you would expire.
We are also limited in terms of our concepts of distance, in terms of our concepts of time. Time is a great engine of limitation. And we’ll talk about that more in the podcasts to come.
But also, we hold beliefs that we talked about in earlier episodes, such as our idea of lack of control, which is a human experience, that elsewhere, in the experience of pure flow, there is no thing as not in control. But we created that here as part of our experience.
And so as you can see, many of these beliefs sort of layer and intertwine and interact with each other. As with most things that The Chorus talks about, it’s better to think of it in terms of fluid dynamics, than in terms of linear structures. Because these things are as alive as we are. They are energized. They are evolving, they are growing, and they are moving around.
And I would say in most cases, we’re not even aware that we are doing these things. The Chorus has said that the vast majority of beliefs in our belief system complex are unconscious to us. But as we are all now going through the experience of awakening – which is the conscious experience of expansion from a point of limitation – we are starting to look around and notice these things, these beliefs and these aspects about our existences here.
And this may be true for a great many of us in terms of prevention or protection. We are not consciously aware of all the ways that we’re holding things away from us at arm’s length until, usually, it starts to get very exhausting. And you sort of reach a point of, I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t prevent this person from messing up anymore, I can’t hold up this department anymore. I can’t, I can’t keep preventing.
Sometimes that’s a beautiful moment of release. And sometimes it precipitates something that we call depression.
When I was laying in that hospital bed, and I realized I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. I literally, physically can’t. And if you know anything about me, you know that I’m stubborn enough that it would have taken a trip to the hospital, for me to give up the idea that I couldn’t do it anymore.
And so I’m sitting there with my husband in the ER. And he was aware that I had channeled, but very much at arm’s length. It had been a topic of great conflict for us, which almost tore us apart. Because he was never convinced that the channeling was not what was making me sick. Despite the fact that they had slightly different timetables, or didn’t always line up with the presentation of symptoms…There was just enough evidence for both sides, my side that saw these things as separate and his side that saw these things as corollary or causal, that we never quite tipped the scales. We were always perfectly in balance perfectly in opposing views.
And so I turned to him as I’m lying there hooked up to IVs, and other stuff and said, “I need to tell them. I need to tell my family. I need to start talking about this and what’s happened.
And he’s sort of like, “you mean, like all the physical stuff that’s been going on, or, like the spiritual stuff, too?”
And I said, “all of it. I can’t do this anymore.”
So my parents arrive. And you know, it’s all a little bit of a blur. But I remember laying there and saying something to the effect of, “I’ve been receiving messages for many years, from beings who are very loving. And I’ve never told you because I’ve been very afraid to make you upset, or to make you worried about me.”
And this was true. I always kept hiding it, because I always thought I’ll just go a little further to the point to where this all makes sense. And then I’ll share it. And then I’ll be able to explain it to everybody. And it will all be very tidy, and very much in my control. (Chuckles)
I give them a lot of credit, because they sat there and listened, with poker faces on as best they could muster. They asked questions. And they sort of acknowledged it.
And I knew even as I was laying there and telling them, that notifying your family that you hear voices from a hospital bed in the ER, is not an ideal place to have that conversation. (Chuckles)
But as with most ideas of prevention and protection, these things come crumbling down in their own way, and their own time, largely in ways that are out of our control or so we perceive them to be.
Now you might expect that after I came clean, and I started to tell people, there was a great burden lifted off my shoulders and things just started to improve.
In a way, there were things that were lifted off my shoulders, and I felt a great sense of relief, and also exhaustion. But it wasn’t as simple as that.
Over the next few days, I plunged into a very great depression. We started to see doctors and run more tests. I had to notify my job, which I loved, that I wouldn’t be coming back to work for a while. My nervous system issues were so bad that I was shaking and stuttering often. And there was a general consensus that it might be best if I went to stay with my parents for a while. Meaning I would not see my son.
Everything that I knew, everything that I loved, fell down around me. Everything collapsed.
And believe me, there were moments when I thought I’ve made a mistake. I shouldn’t have admitted all this, I should have just kept going the way I had been, I could have figured it out.
But there was another part of me that knew, I couldn’t hold this stuff off anymore. I had to allow it into my life. And at every turn, I admitted the honest truth – that I didn’t know. I didn’t know how this had happened. I didn’t know why I was sick. I didn’t know why I was stuttering, or having thyroid issues, or gastrointestinal distress, or inability to sleep, or all the things that I was struggling with.
And I had to admit that I did not know if my connection to The Chorus had made me sick.
And so as I was paraded around – very lovingly, by people who cared – to different doctors, being given different medications, and different prescriptions, there came a general agreement that it would be best if I not spoke to The Chorus again.
Or at least until we knew what was causing what, and what was going wrong. And none of us knew how long that would be.
We are working with book editors on a book. And they recently said to me how often The Chorus uses the word infinite, and yet how hard that is for humans to wrap their heads around.
And I said, “I completely agree.” And through all those years, those early years when I was channeling, and they would use the word infinite, it would make me so uncomfortable that I would say, “can you please not use that word?” (Laughs) It was…bleh…it was an instant friction. It was an instant friction of fear between their expansive perspective and the limited perspective that I was coming from.
So I remember I got to this point in my journey, where it became clear that I needed to say goodbye to The Chorus. And I remember feeling conflicted, and heartbroken, because for so many years, though the spiritual experiences were challenging, and at times scary, they were also so loving, and so soothing, that that had been my place of refuge, my place of calm, my place away from trying to figure out all the other things that were happening to me.
And so when the time came to say goodbye to The Chorus, I remember being scared to even channel them or their response. And I remember sending them a very loving farewell.
And their reply was so simple, and yet conveyed so much.
They said, “we will wait for you.”
And it wasn’t just an expression of patience, or time.
It was an expression of that word. The infinite.
And I realized that there was no apart from their perspective, there was no loss from their point of view. That they would always be there.
And I was so soothed. A word that for so long had terrified me and felt overwhelming, now felt like everlasting love.
And so that was it. That was the final tie, the final mooring, to everything that I had known before. I lost my job, time with my son, my husband, I lost The Chorus, I lost bodily control. I lost all of it.
And at every turn, mostly what I felt was a complete loss of trust in my own sense of self, in my own decision making power. It seemed like every decision I had made had led me down this path to disaster.
And so as people started to ask me questions, over and over again, I just returned to, “I don’t know.”
As I got psychoanalyzed and sent through MRIs and put on different medications, and people would ask me sometimes simple questions of, “do you feel better than you did yesterday?”
I don’t know.
“Do you feel like this medication is helping?”
I don’t know.
And so the depression became so acute, so oppressive. I just was numb all over.
This is actually the second time I’ve recorded this episode. I recorded a great episode last week. Except it wasn’t great. Something about it wasn’t sitting, right. It wasn’t complete. It didn’t hit that frequency that it normally does with them. And so I started to struggle with it. And I started to say, “I don’t know what happened.” Usually, I can sense a thing. And I feel like where we’re going, and I understand what I need to say, and it was all missing.
And I started to get very depressed. And I thought, “oh, hell no, not this again. I don’t want to go there again.” And I started to have flashbacks, memories, of all the things that I’ve just shared with you.
But I know now, so many more things that The Chorus and I have talked about.
I understand a little bit more about loving, and allowing, letting things be exactly what they are, and walking with them.
And so while I didn’t get totally depressed, I was pretty murky, I was able to finally ask The Chorus about it. And isn’t that funny? All these years ago, I went through that experience of losing everything and extreme depression. And because I had agreed not to connect to them, I never got to ask, “what is depression?”
So as I went through this, over the last few days, I was able to remain in a curious enough of a space, at times, to sort of reflect on this and what it was that I was going through. Going through again.
Has depression ever felt like that to you? Like quicksand. Like you can sense it coming, you can sense yourself going downhill. And even though you recognize it consciously, it almost feels like there’s nothing you can do about it. That if you try and fight it, it makes it worse. But if you don’t try and fight it and roll with it, you inevitably become depressed.
So I’m sitting there, sort of huddled under blankets one evening, or one afternoon, I think. And I’m able to ask them, “okay, I’m not gonna push against this. I’m trying to understand it and to see it. What is Depression?”
And they said….I’m gonna get my notes because I want to…I want to read their words directly, I think it helps.
“Depression is a brake pedal. It’s the ability to sense what is coming on your path, the simultaneous recognition that it has not yet come to pass, and the belief that – in all caps – YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO to fix it, to change it, or to get there. It is a deep wanting, the deepest there is: resonance with your path of greatest expansion and an energy very far down that road. And then the realization that it is not yet here. As humans have powerful beliefs of the difficulty of accomplishing things, the realness of these knowings triggers very active beliefs that this is going to be very nearly impossible to do. That crushing blow, as a human would call it places the human in an energetic eddy. Your attention to the eddy, to being stuck, is what you call depression.”
And then a little later they said, “depression is a numbing. An energized numbing of your own sense of yourself by the belief in mistakes, error, and the experience of being lost, where you believe you do not know what to do.”
So what the hell did they mean by all of that? And how does it relate to prevention and protection?
At face value these things, these sensations may feel very different. But in actuality, they’re close cousins, energetically. You might even say their links on a chain.
So let’s start with depression.
As The Chorus stated, depression is a simultaneous converging of several things energetically. Some of these are beliefs. But remember, from their standpoint, beliefs are energetic. So a human who is awakening is able to sense or perceive something very far down on their path of greatest expansion.
When we do that, to a human, it can feel huge. Monstrous. As if….As if it’s practically overwhelming. So great is the distance that you sense between where you currently stand and this something that lies ahead of you.
As you continue to sit with that energy, it may come through, as a manifested thought. It may come through more clearly and more structured. Maybe it’s a dream that you have long held, maybe it’s a part of yourself, that you’re beginning to awaken to having. Maybe it’s a state of things that you sense will one day be that is very different from the way things are today.
That, in and of itself, is miraculous and fantastic. Because remember, so many of the beliefs that we created here reinforce the experience of limitation. We are all infinitely connected to flow, we can all return to flow, we are all infinite, even while we’re here. And so that is constantly coming in to us. The love of the universe is constantly flowing towards us. And we use that freedom and that love to create this experience of limitation which we wanted before we came here.
So we are constantly using that new energy to reinforce our own limitation, to build new beliefs of limitation, to maintain the structure of this game, as The Chorus sometimes likes to call it.
Sensing those two things in and of themselves, is not really the root of depression. Depression comes in with a third aspect, where we notice this thing, this “becoming” very far down on our path of expansion. We recognize the place that we are currently standing and the distance between those two things. And the mind, our belief systems here, activate.
Because anytime we want something, anytime we recognize something in our environment, our belief systems activate, which cause us to believe that we must take physical action to make that thing appear.
If we want food, we got to grow it and cook it. If we want to get from here to there, we have to move our feet. And so the mind is just doing what the mind does.
And the mind says, “whoa, I don’t know how to do that. That is so far away, that is so different from where we are today. I don’t know what to do. I’m lost.”
And when we hit that point, that triumvirate between those three things, we sense something that we call depression. It is a sense of being lost, it is a sense of not knowing what to do. It is a loss of perception of ourselves.
And when The Chorus says this puts a human into a sort of energetic eddy – so an eddy is sort of a swirling pattern where we go around and around and around – what’s activated, very heavily, is the human belief in needing to do equally matched with not knowing what to do.
This is bad, this is not good, I really need to do something about this. And then at the same time, a deep sense of unknown. That this is all new, that this is unprecedented, that I don’t know what to do, or even more so, I don’t trust myself to know what to do.
This is why depression can often be characterized by a sense of powerlessness.
Now, if you look at this, from the perspective of prevention and protection, these things are not unrelated. Because often, when we sense something very far down on our path, and it is very clearly something different, or something larger than we know how to handle, beliefs in prevention and protection will activate, and we will turn away. Or said another way, we will begin to hold that off at arm’s length.
Sometimes prevention looks like locking your doors. Sometimes prevention looks like denial.
I don’t know what to do about that. So I’m going to deny that it exists, I’m going to deny that I recognize that. I’m going to turn away from it. I’m going to pretend it’s not there, until I know what to do about it.
Our belief that we know what to do, is actually one of our greatest structures of limitation. That’s gonna sound funny, let me explain.
Everything that’s manifested to date, as The Chorus would say, is old news. That’s energy that came in, and was molded by our belief systems into something that looks a whole lot like everything else that was allowed in. And then we live it. And then we allow ourselves to connect to that frequency, again and again, as needed, in the form of a memory.
So let’s say you are out hunting in the woods, a bear runs over and attacks you. And you have your spear or your bow and arrow, and you successfully defeat the bear.
Now, every time you go into the forest, there will be a part of you that says, “what if a bear attacks?
And you’ll say, “oh I got it. I got my spear and I got my bows and arrows so I can handle it.”
As we talked about in the episode on beliefs about control, that sense of “I got it,” is actually a sense of fit with the existing context, with the existing manifestations and beliefs that have already come to pass.
What happens if a magical blue bear with horns and wings and breathing fire runs out of the forest? Will your spears and bow and arrow be enough? Maybe, maybe not. But humans don’t really think about the infinite universe of possibilities, because that would be very difficult for the mind to sum up in the context of the existing, limiting belief systems.
And so we turn away from the concept of the infinite. We deny its existence, all the time, subconsciously to us, through all our many galaxy-sized beliefs that run our day to day existence here.
And so you stroll off into the forest feeling very prepared, because your mind is reinforcing manifestations that have already occurred, is reinforcing that experience and its connection – its’ fit – into the existing context of experiences that are allowed here.
From the perspective of The Chorus, there is nothing to prevent, there is nothing to protect yourself from because when you are in infinite flow of the loving universe, all answers come to you in the instant they are required.
They don’t see a difference between question and answer, they don’t see a difference between need and fulfillment.
This is one of the most incredible aspects of what we have created here is that we have slowed down the experience of the perception of these things, so much so that we see a very big difference between when we desire something, and when it shows up in our hands. We see a distance.
So we say, “Oh don’t worry, Chorus I got this. I got my spear. And I got my bow and arrow.”
And they say, “well, only if the bear is a lot like the last bear that you encountered.”
And we go, “well, yeah, that’s bears. That’s bears here in our existence.”
And they’re saying, “oh, no, that’s Creation in your existence.”
We make things look a lot like all the other stuff. And when it doesn’t, when we’re not sure what to do about it, we prevent – meaning we energize the distance between that thing’s existence and our perception of it.
In a nutshell, we reinforce our own experience of limited experiences here in the game.
So then, what’s happening now? Why isn’t this occurring in the same way? Why are we able to perceive things that are further down on our paths of greatest expansion, and then realize where we are today, and have that most incredible experience of “I don’t know how to get there” and fall into depression.
It’s because we’re awakening.
We have been in the place of “I don’t know what to do about that” for many millennia. We have been in a place of mind-driven existences, where we move reactionarily, from thing to thing to thing to thing. And now as we’re expanding, we’re able to sense things that are further out on our path. We’re able to intuit things about our lives and what’s coming, sometimes in ways that are difficult to put into words. And as this becomes conscious to us, we recognize a difference, a distance between where we have been and are in this game, and the things that we are expanding out to receiving.
If we were to put a finer point on it, you could almost say that prevention, protection, and depression share a very similar aspect. In all three cases, there is a sense though slightly different of “I don’t know what to do.”
We prevent things that we don’t want to have happen to us, because we don’t know how to deal with that when it arrives. We don’t know how we would survive it. We don’t know how we could withstand it. We don’t know how we could defeat it. And so we hold it at arm’s length.
Depression is as The Chorus stated, a very similar sensation of “I don’t know. And I’m lost.” Meaning that thing that you’ve been working so hard to prevent yourself from realizing, or to protect yourself from experiencing, is banging down the door and you give up. You give up that fight. You give up that energetic holding.
And I know this is gonna sound strange, but depression is actually more allowing than prevention and protection.
In depression, as shitty as it feels, and I know, because I’ve been there many times…In depression, there is an aspect of surrender. There is an aspect of, I don’t know what to do. But there’s also an aspect of, and I’m not going to pretend I do. I can’t.
Now this seems pretty brutal for us humans, because curling up in the fetal position in your bed, crying all morning, not being able to leave the house, eating Lord knows what, not feeling motivated to get up or do any of the things that used to bring you joy, is a pretty rough experience.
But in depression, we are also giving ourselves an exacerbated look, an exacerbated experience, of the limitation that we came here to create, and to perceive, which would tell us one of the most extraordinary things in the galaxies that we have ever created, which is that you don’t know what to do.
That is an illusion.
That is a creation of this experience.
Where The Chorus is, outside of these frequencies, there is no such thing.
Because there, you are in an experience of infinite trust.
So there’s no second guessing, there’s no doubt. There’s no, “I think I would like to do this. But now I’m not sure.” Or I don’t even know what I want to do. I don’t even know what would make me feel better. The energetic eddy, as The Chorus calls it, of depression is a front row look at our own creation of lack of trust of ourselves.
You can have an energized version of it in prevention, where you’re holding that thing away from you, because you don’t trust in your infinite ability to deal with whatever arrives, whenever it arrives.
You can have an energized version of it in protection, which is holding something away and at arm’s length, because you don’t yet recognize your infinite ability to create whatever you want no matter what shows up at your doorstep.
Or you can have a softer version of those things. Which looks and feels like depression.
And now around this point in time, a human will say, “but I don’t want to feel like that anymore. I don’t want to go back to that place ever again. And moreover, it scares me every time it shows up again. And I feel like I don’t know what to do to stop it.”
Let’s return to that energetic eddy concept for a moment. The swirling pattern, that sense of a cyclical churning, is a great aspect of our existences here. And we’ve talked about cycles in some of the other podcasts. And here’s another great example of a cyclical turning. And the two forces that seem to keep us held in this state of depression are the simultaneous recognition that there are things out there that you want, or that you know are coming, or that you recognize you want to change in your life, or that should be changed perhaps. Combined with an equal and opposing force, that tells you that you don’t know what to do about that, or how to get there.
Now most humans would say if you were going to tip the scales of balance in one direction or the other to pull yourself out of the eddy, that you should say to yourself, “no, I know what to do!” Give yourself a pep talk, argue for your own sense of self, read inspirational quotes. But The Chorus would actually suggest the opposite. That in the other side of the eddy, where you recognize that there are things that you really want, or you recognize your own intuition for big things that are coming, they think that’s beautiful. And whole. And perfect.
And that you can just continue to gaze in that direction.
Depression feels numb at times, because it is our own continued prevention and denial of our own sense of self, and the things that we know and perceive and want.
The numbing is a powerful experience by way of the contrast of what it helps you to recognize that you do feel.
Now we have a whole lot of beliefs that want to prevent us from feeling those things, and from acknowledging them. And there are great many reasons why they do that. There are so many important aspects of this game, of this existence of limitation, that those things have upheld, for a very, very long time.
But now the winds are changing. Humanity is awakening. We are expanding beyond these frequencies. And in that experience, we’re turning around and recognizing all these things that we lived through for so long.
And so though, reconnecting to these aspects of ourselves, which knows things and want things, can sometimes feel overwhelming, these are just our first steps.
These are the baby steps, that might be a little wobbly at times, as we oscillate between all these things that we are growing into, and the return at times, to the reliance on, to the sensation, to the known, which is a belief system that told us for a very long time, that all those infinite energetic perceptions that we have, needed to be pushed against.
My road out of depression was not short. Maybe it wasn’t as short as I wished it were at the time. But each day, what I discovered was that, even after losing everything, I still knew things. And gradually, over time, I took the tiniest steps to test out if those things that I knew were real, or were helpful, or were good for me.
Then eventually, over time, I started to feel a little kind of whiff of desire or inspiration, or I’d say, I kind of want that.
Sometimes it was just that I actually wanted to eat something.
As we went forward, it was that I wanted to go on a walk.
And then I started to even form my own opinions about the doctors I was seeing, and the medications I was on.
And then I started to make even more decisions. Eventually, I was able to drive again. Eventually, I made my own meals. And piece by piece, bit by bit, I rebuilt my connection, my allowance, of my sense of self.
The Chorus even said this today, in their message they say, “we see now these beliefs that you hold. And we understand that as you awaken to all the parts of yourself that there will still be pieces of you active in the game that will ignite or trigger or instigate these beliefs in prevention and protection that might cause you from time to time to hold away from yourself, to deny, these aspects of you that you are also awakening to, that from our vantage point are infinitely perfect.”
And this is awakening. That sometimes we put ourselves in these positions not because there are more challenging human experiences to live through before we are transformed and transform our experience of them. But rather that we get into these positions because we are awakening and from these certain vantage points we are able to more accurately and clearly see what we’re expanding into. By way of the contrast of where we’ve been.
I have been running away from something. I have been avoiding something that I know is coming. And it feels so big, so overwhelming at times that I have not ever known what to do about it. But it keeps banging down my door.
And it wasn’t until I had a bumpy experience recording this episode last week and realizing that it was all broken, slipping into a slight depression, and then talking to The Chorus about it, that I finally asked myself, “what is it that I’m preventing? What is it that I know is coming that I am holding myself away from?”
And I knew in an instant.
So over the next few days after that, I sort of sat with it. I sat with all the things that came up as I contemplated it: the fear, the overwhelment, the sometimes joy and excitement, all the things. And I still wasn’t sure that I had an answer. I still wasn’t sure that I would know how to move forward, how I would be capable of doing all of this.
But friends, I already tried to prevent it all. I already tried to hold it all away from me and it still came crashing down.
So I thought, all right, then this time, I’d like to do it differently. This time, I’d like to try to trust myself at every step. My inclinations, my wishes, my own thoughts, the words that come out of my mouth. I’d like to try that. I’d like to try trusting this larger part of me that senses all of these things.
If you’re still with me, then I have one more story to tell before we wrap up today. But first, you need to know three things.
The first is that The Chorus and I have a long standing joke about lyrics and songs. Often as I’m driving around and reflecting on something they’ve said, I hear a song in a new way.
And I say to them, “oh, that’s like that thing!” And they say, “yeah.”
The second is that the number 17 came up in last week’s episode, that when I allowed myself to try out the idea of ease, I remained in bed for a period of time. And that time was 17 minutes, at which point the difficulty sort of passed, and I was able to move forward.
And the third thing is that ease is something I was thinking about quite a lot this last week as I was going through this, and was also what I was thinking about at the moment of the story I’m about to tell you now.
We were driving home from seeing family. It’s a bit of a long drive. And as usually happens in the first part of the drive, we were all talking and laughing and sharing things and playing on phones and et cetera. And then about a half an hour away from home, it sort of got quiet as it sometimes does. Everyone was looking out the window in their own thoughts. And the whole car was silent.
I also was in my own head, thinking about everything I’ve just shared with you. And most especially wanting to trust, but not really sure how to do that.
Right as I came to that question, the radio clicked on. I sort of jolted out of my headspace and kind of realized that it must be playing a song from my phone and I started digging for my phone. Also kind of simultaneously noticing that nobody else was really bothered by the radio turning on and the music. Everyone was still sort of looking out the window.
And as the song started to play, I thought, “I know…I know this song.”
It seemed like something out of a memory. So I turned and I looked at the dashboard and I realized this song that was playing now was one that I had not heard in 17 years.
And moreover that the word easy was in the title.
And as the song played I realized…
Well I’m not going to tell you what it meant for me. Because if I know anything about The Chorus I know that they weren’t just playing that song for me. I think they were playing it for you too.
And so maybe, maybe it’s not your taste in music. Maybe you’re about to hear it for a split second and turn it off or maybe while you hear it you’ll smile and feel all the love that comes to you, or maybe you’ll turn it up at full volume and let everything pour out of you. But I think you’ll know what to do.
Because you do know.
From The Chorus, the incomparable Patty Griffin, When It Don’t Come Easy.
We’d like to thank Patty Griffin as well as her team at Universal Music for working with us on the licensing.
We’d also like to thank all of you for joining us today.
Unsponsored shoutout to Music from Artlist:
Show Intro: Floating Point by Roie Shpigler
Chorus Transition In: Destiny by RunarBlesvik
Chorus Transition Out: The Gift by ANBR
Outro: When It Don’t Come Easy by Patty Griffin
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