The Chorus describes dependability, particularly how humans might have viewed - and limited - its experience here, in our game. They suggest a different perspective on what is dependable in Creation. Katie relates this to the painful and common human experience of breakups, notably through her recent divorce. Through many hours of conversations with The Chorus on this topic, she began to understand the distance that beliefs in insufficiency and survival have created in human relationships, as well as the true potential of ever-expanding love beyond these beliefs. Enjoy!
Welcome back, everybody.
I was just reflecting on the first time that I heard about Angel numbers. For those who don’t know, Angel numbers are an idea that there are numbers that come up in your field of perception that are actually meaningful, or are conveying messages from your angel guides, or spirit guides, or any kind of guides. And I remember the first time I heard about them, it was pretty early in my awakening. And I remember thinking, “that feels like wishful thinking.” (Laughs). It seemed a little too controllable by the human mind, meaning I just felt coming from my background in science that anytime you go looking for a pattern, you’ll probably find it.
But then I went further down the path of awakening, I remember getting to this crossroads where I was like, “okay, but I have been seeing this number a lot. So I just wonder what it would mean, as an angel number?” (Chuckles) Sort of like a comparing of if maybe I believed in Angel numbers, what might this number that I keep seeing all the time actually indicate?
And I can’t remember the number. And I can’t remember what the message was. But I do remember thinking I was glad I had looked it up.
Now fast forward many years later, and The Chorus and I have developed a sort of numerical code. It’s not a code that I’ve ever shared with anyone, actually, quite intentionally, because I think, especially the further you go down this road, it gets even harder sometimes to know like, is that real? Was that meant for me? Where’s that coming from? There’s just, there’s just more voices, there’s more things happening. There’s more mysteries, as we’ve talked about. So as I started to have these experiences with The Chorus and sort of noticed certain numbers are key moments, they started to take on their own meaning.
And even today, I still look up Angel numbers, and I scroll through the results until I feel one hit me. And then I stop. And then I read that one. And more often than not, it’s what I needed to hear or be reminded of.
But often, with the code that I’ve developed with The Chorus, it’s not so much about a specific message that I need in order to correct course, because you know, The Chorus well enough by now they don’t, they don’t really correct. They see nothing wrong with your course, no matter where you take your course. So instead, it’s sort of like a calling of attention back outward into the situation.
So I’d be driving along and I’ll be contemplating something and I’ll notice my eyes move over to look at something and it’s one of our numbers. And I feel a feeling from them. It opens me back up to the other side, it opens me back up to their perspective. And then it just sort of makes sense again. “Oh, yeah, I see the way you see that. I feel that.” It’s not even very specific. It’s sort of just like a reconnection, reconnection, reconnection each time I see one of their codes.
It’s true. Sometimes some of the numbers are seemingly poignant. Like I get why they sent kind of that number versus another number. But if you asked me to write down like a series of numbers and what each one means from The Chorus, it’s not that consistent. It’s more like, I snap into it. I snap into the present moment when I see one of their numbers. And I receive the message that those numbers meant in that moment, for me.
There is however, one number in particular that has come up over and over and over and over and over and over again over these years. And so it’s sort of become like this, this poignant number of comfort. Just like, we’re still with you. We’re still with you. We are with you now, we are with you now. I’ve seen it in really, really, really tight situations. I’ve seen it in situations where I was really about to take a leap, a bigger leap than I’d ever done before.
And just now, as I was driving back to the house, before recording this, I was having a hard moment. And I come up to this big traffic circle. And on one corner of the traffic circle is a gas station with you know, the prices, the billboard. You know, unleaded, premium, whatever. I’m sort of in the moment, the way I kind of am more now than I was years ago. So I’m worried about someone I love. And I come into the traffic circle. And my eyes, look up at the gas station sign. And I see the price of the gas. And I don’t really think much about it. But then I look up again, as I enter the traffic circle. And the number changed.
It had changed from when I just looked a split second before.
Coming into the traffic circle, I look. And then as I enter the traffic circle, I look again. And it’s THE number. It’s THE Chorus number.
I’m driving around the circle with all these other cars. And I’m like, “there’s no way. I just looked at that. Like, there’s no way I missed it.” So I keep my eye on the gas station sign as I come around the traffic circle. So I’m coming up towards the gas station, and now I’m passing it. I’m not looking at the traffic. I’m like tracking how I’m driving out of I don’t know some other part of me. I am staring at the gas station sign as I come around the corner.
And just as I round the corner, and I am leaving the traffic circle, I’m leaving the field of view of that gas station sign…the price goes back to what it was.
I still can hardly believe it as I’m telling you this story.
Things have just become more real, aren’t they? Are they becoming more real for you yet?
That mysterious world, those “woo” sensations, the stuff that happened to you while you’re meditating? Like it’s not just in those corners of life anymore. It’s showing up in the middle of a conversation or a drive or…It’s merging into our five senses world or said another way we are expanding beyond what we had only allowed ourselves to see before.
Sometimes this is terrifying to me (laughs). I still feel it. I still feel the fence line of what we did build. And then other times – oftentimes lately – I just feel a profound missingness, a sadness of like, “I’m so close to it. It’s around the corner. It’s right on the other side. Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?”
And then one day before you know it, it’s gonna be so obvious. It’s gonna be giant, glowing letters on an enormous sign right in front of you.
It’s all very close. And we’re getting closer.
Speaking of distance…In the first part of the episode, you’ll hear directly from The Chorus and afterwards we will discuss.
May you receive all of the many signs that they are sending to you right now.
Our dearest companions and treasured friends, have you noticed how much in your reality continues to change?
The changes may have begun, by some perspectives, as subtle things. Changes in how you feel towards certain situations. Growing awarenesses of what might be happening in your vicinity. And wondering that grows with each day. But they are also more tactile changes as well, by our view. Different ways that you move your body through your days. A growing awareness of your position in space, in whatever environment do you find yourself in. Less of a drifting off into perhaps the churnings of mind, and more of a return again and again, to subtleties that surround you. Perhaps you never noticed the way a certain person comments on things. Perhaps you never realized the ways in which some aspects of your society had functioned.
There are other things that are changing too. Though perhaps less evident by way of their distance from you. Perhaps you are noticing changes in the earth herself. Shifts in the winds, the seas, and the earth. Changes in the way the light falls from your star across your earth plane. Temperatures coming and going, and coming again. Revelations that seem to sweep through entire communities.
It is important, perhaps we might even say vital, Dear Ones, that you see these things as a part of your awakening.
For this is awakening.
Realizing throughout every fiber of your being, throughout every expression of you, in this reality, the variety, the possibility that surrounds you.
In some ways, this may mean that consistency no longer looks the way it once did in your lives and in your world. Is it truly that the ability to depend upon something around you is disappearing? Or could it also be possible that perhaps in seeing more of the function of all the things around you, you will actually expand in your capacity to depend upon other things.
We know this may sound strange from a group of beings who continue to emphasize that trust is an aspect of time and you are growing into a greater connection to and trust of yourselves.
And also, is there not an aspect of this universe and of creation that can be depended upon?
Is there not a stream of ever-giving life and love that pervades all aspects of us all?
Is not the creation of life itself also a dependable thing? Seems to crop up again and again and again. No matter how many times it is cut down or moved around or displaced.
What are these things, Dear One? What words will you use to describe them? How will they feel in your embodiment as you step into a greater understanding of the forces around you and within you, that you can choose from, that are and forever will be dependable.
It is a vast universe. And a very vast field of energy too. And as you take off the blindfold, as you step out into a greater experience of these things, it is true that the aspects of the blindfold are falling away and beyond it is much to begin to understand and get to know. But in that vaster playing field are also aspects of the many things that your hearts have yearned for and known, through this aspect of awakening, that they are possible. That they exist and that your approach has grown very near.
When you feel something so strong in your heart that it practically burns with the ache for what feels nearby and not yet held, that, Beloved, is a culmination of your energetic embrace. It is the precursor to many manifestations that will then begin to rain down all around you. And in these experiences, that perception of the burning emptiness perhaps, before it finally appears, will transform into a continuity of knowing, of understanding, of delicious approach, of growth of becoming….Where you know without a doubt, that these things were meant for you.
We love you, infinitely.
I thought I get at least a half dozen episodes into the season before I’d have to talk about this one (laughs). (Groans). It would seem that it’s time that I addressed a thing. See, I want to say “get it out of the way” but….Have you ever felt that way? You know what’s standing in the way of feeling deeper something and…there’s just only so long you can dance around something.
So a big part of this last year. The, ah, upheaval and the everything that I was going through wasn’t just a move across country and a hurricane and finding a house and then getting into a fixer upper and living through a renovation and trying to settle my son in a new school that was going through its own upheavals. I was also getting divorced.
I don’t think a day went by that I didn’t wonder if or how I would eventually talk about this.
If, because, it’s not just my story. Every divorce is two stories, mixed together with a whole lot of emotion and bewilderment. So how could I…how could I convey the things that I have realized or learned or had long conversations with The Chorus about, and all tell it from my side? I mean, I have the microphone, right? He doesn’t.
And I think early in his process, I very consciously set blame to the side.
I mean, I don’t I don’t feel like I could really blame the other person because I do feel like we both did our best, but also I have this perspective of The Chorus which is like, (chuckles) well, we were up against a an entire belief system complex of limitation and all sorts of intergalactic shit that I don’t even understand yet. So we did our best! It just seems mega mysterious, doesn’t it?
I think human relationships, for those of us who have dated, which is probably every single one of us, has dated, or has a crushed…crushed on somebody. Even just an infatuation, a long term relationship, a short term relationship. I mean, we’ve all had something in this department. And they’re mysterious in and of themselves. Why were we drawn to those people? Why did we have a crush on that one? In like the second grade? Why did we stay in that other relationship for as long as we did? I mean, we probably have more questions about our romantic relationships than any other freaking aspect of this game. At least I do.
And here I am, a channel walking through the most human freaking experience of all, heartbreak.
Heartbreak over something that I thought I would always depend upon. And then I watched it change. I watched me change, I watched everything sort of erode. I tried my best in the ways I knew how, and may still not know if that actually was the best. I was, inevitably, brought face to face with every single belief that I had held about what a romantic relationship should be, could be, would be, that I wanted it to be, that I was afraid it would be.
And you know what’s really messed up? The further I go, the more it seems very obvious to me that this was always going to happen. Makes me want to just like hit something in a sucker punch. Do you know what I mean? That total rage of powerlessness? You ever felt that way in a breakup? What the F? How do you have two people – who I believe had good intentions – and then it just implodes?
The Chorus and I had about a trillion conversations about this over the last 12 months, maybe more. It actually started in book two. In all the writing I have ever done with The Chorus, I have never ever deleted a chapter except for one. As I was writing book two, there was a chapter about some aspect of the linearity. And I was walking through different examples. And one of the examples that I wrote about was about soul mates. And as I wrote it, I remember feeling simultaneously amazed that I could write about something that I felt like I didn’t know a whole lot about, and yet it felt very true. And at the same time, it was my first awakening moment of realizing that my five senses world, my current lifestyle, my current relationship, my current everything, didn’t align to what I was writing.
I remember there was a certain phrase, something about how, you know, we find each other sometimes when we’re all like, kind of at our top game (chuckles). But then sometimes Love finds us when we’re battered and broken. And I made a point about maybe that idea of a soul mate is another version of a line. And I freaked myself out! Because here I was writing a book about linearity and how it had kind of, you know, limited our view of the vast diversity of ourselves in the Universe. And here was one of our most complex topics, and also, I would say a topic that gets many people through the dark hours -is believing that there’s someone out there who’s meant for you – and did I just call it in an aspect of limitation? I mean, fuck.
I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t do it. It was too big of a mystery. I didn’t know how it factored into the book. So I deleted it.
I told one of my friends like four months later, and she like, yelled at me. She was like, “get it back! Can you undelete it? Can you find the file?” (Laughs),
I was like, “nope, that sucker is gone. Back out into the dust that it came from.” (Laughs). I was pretty baffled.
But I also knew something important from hanging out with The Chorus, and I think you all feel this too, is that it’s always in our energy. It all is. All the manifestations, all the stuff we create here, is a part of the complex chord of notes that we each are through all of our experiences and the way we sing back to Creation. So it doesn’t really go anywhere, the things that we know. Maybe it’s manifestation comes and goes in the five senses reality, but it doesn’t disappear. It’ll just kind of turn up in a different format when the time’s right. And probably in a more connected, more robust version, the more we each progress in expansion.
So fast forward, I don’t know, a year and a half, two years. And here I am, much further down the road of all of these topics, feeling slightly more equipped to describe what it is that was said in that deleted chapter and through my life experience since. Maybe not because I have an enlarged understanding of destiny, or of fit in a romantic relationship, but because I’ve spent a lot of time in the last year understanding distance.
I think most humans would come to this topic and they would say, “oh, right distance, like you know, you can’t really find love while you are still distant from yourself.”
If you have a gap between your self-perception and love of yourself, right, if you see yourself as less than, then it might be difficult to find a relationship that reflects to you the love that you’re ready to receive from the universe.
Typically, I would agree. Of course, in that chapter that I deleted, something that I pointed out was that, I guess, simply put, earning and perfection, as viewed from the five senses perspective, of total allowance, total lovingness, isn’t necessarily required to receive love from the universe. The universe gives you love, kind of no matter where you’re currently tripping over yourself in the experience of existence.
So a more appropriate way of saying it might be that okay, well, then in the five senses perspective, maybe we can’t see the love. So it’s like banging down our door, right, that perfect match or that perfect loving relationship but because of what we constructed here, you can’t really like receive it. And that may very well be. I think that’s a perfectly valid perspective in this infinite universe. In fact, The Chorus has made many suggestions about the aspects of others that we don’t see. But something they pointed out to me early in this process was that it actually matters less what we do see in others in this experience of limitation in the five senses.
So let’s abstract this all out from any relationship that you’re currently reflecting on and definitely from mine. And let’s just take two people who are experiencing a five senses version of reality of the universe. And as we’ve talked about in seasons one and two, both of these people are subject to a whole lot of beliefs all day long, billions of times per second, which predominantly append them to a group consensus. That is, you could say, defined by or united in their objective for…the experience of survival.
Now survival is something we’ve touched on slightly in earlier episodes, particularly when we talk about the two core tenets of what we created here, which is finiteness and insufficiency. We run out of stuff, or it’s not enough, or just barely enough. It’s kind of the underpinnings of this entire game field.
So if you put people – two people – down on that game field. And then you say to them pick a partner, all their beliefs about finiteness and insufficiency – stated simply, survival – are going to activate. They’re going to activate in ways that there is no way they could be conscious of, because they would completely violate the experience of survival.
If they have even the slightest sense of “JK! It’s just a belief in survival, but I’ll play along!” Right? The experience of survival is violated, it’s not, it’s not the same all encompassing, all embodied experience of survival that we know here.
So these two people wander off into the game board. And as they go through the game board, there is this idea of needing a partner that is presented. Because we have needed partners here. It is a real and true aspect of our game. We have needed communities, we have needed tribes, we have needed others, period.
I mean, try and move yourself out of your house by yourself. I mean at some point, you just can’t do it. Like we can’t lift couches by ourselves. Ok maybe some of you can and I’m envious. But there are so many things in our reality that we fundamentally cannot do by ourselves. And that goes beyond physical exertion.
To not put too fine a point on it, can we make babies by ourselves? Nope. I mean, even if we employ the benefits of modern science to assist in that process, there are still two sets of DNA that come together. And potentially in the future, maybe more. So it doesn’t have to be like a “two” thing everywhere you go it just this aspect of needing others in the group consensus. That we are, independently, insufficient.
It’s an aspect of insufficiency that is still strangely and bafflingly, subtle in so much of what we go through here, because this aspect of insufficiency goes beyond just survival of finding food and shelter and water, it goes into an embodied emotional survival of what’s possible here.
Science has long been aware that we all need physical contact with others, particularly as infants, in order to thrive, as we would say, in a physical way. But over and over again, what these things are really giving us the experience of is that we cannot independently survive here.
As The Chorus and I have talked about I think, particularly in season one, we start to notice some of this when we have resistance to receiving help. That’s one of our first indicators as we become conscious of this, that we are awakening to this aspect of inability to survive solo in the game. At first, we may be resistant to help without even being aware of it.
And you might say, “wait. Wait Katie backup backup? So if we can’t survive independently, why are we so resistant to help?”
Great question. So as we’ve talked about in previous episodes, the resistance to something actually energizes it. So in being resistant to help, we’re actually energizing the experience of constantly needing help.
Were we to go to a different planet where we land and everybody’s like, “great! What are you bringing us?” We might find that these people flow in a different way through their manifestations, they receive far more interesting and potentially varied solutions from the universe than we do here.
Humans have very specific rules across the game board, throughout all of our beliefs about when help can be received, how much help before you feel like an idiot, how much help before you feel guilty, and that you need to pay somebody back. It actually is a very, very, very narrow window for human where they can receive help without having some sort of limitation kickback from the game.
So it’s kind of amazing that you take two players and they set out on their experience of the game both believing inherently that they are each insufficient independently, and yet have so many constructs surrounding them about time, body distance, and so much more that makes it extremely difficult for either of them to actually receive help from others in the game or the universe.
It is and would be sort of, kind of like a Chinese finger trap (laughs), where you are stuck sort of in this experience of nonstop survival. And anytime you might start to soften and gently release your fingers, you know from the trap like push them together with somebody else. Really what you find in that experience is an exacerbation of the beliefs that keep you engaged in the idea that you constantly need help and constantly cannot find it.
Now, what I just said might be a pretty rough verdict on romantic relationships in the current game as we see it. So let me explain a little bit further, because as we all know, at this juncture in the game, not every romantic relationship is the same. We are generalizing concepts across all relationships, when absolutely every single romantic relationship throughout all time is unique.
So mostly, what I’m defining here is how the game influenced our understanding of the purpose and objective of relationships, which then has also colored our experience of them here.
So The Chorus once told me, early in this process, as I was starting to understand this aspect of insufficiency in a new way of, “I am insufficient, singularly in the game. Truly and deeply.” I can’t move a couch by myself, have these narrow windows of receiving help, would like help at times, but then strangely, can’t find it, which redoubles my emphasis or my understanding of I am insufficient by myself…The more you become aware of it gets really kind of brutal.
And they said, “well, yes, and this is also what drives human attraction.”
This seemed like a pretty intense statement to make for, you know, where I was, and what I was recovering from at the time. Because I still believed in the love that I had felt.
And so having a group of beings who are loving, and who have been so incredible through this whole journey, finally be able to reflect to me – as we all know, they don’t jump out ahead of us, they sort of reflect where you are – that I had, perhaps, been influenced by the belief system into making a choice that gave me an extraordinary experience of many aspects of limitation and that moreover, I was a perfect choice for him, in that sense too, felt both entirely accurate. And also, like, somehow, I had bought into a very big lie.
It wasn’t the way that The Chorus meant it. But it was the way that my belief systems interpreted it.
I went from feeling what I thought was love, what I thought was falling in love and holding that perspective still, because that is true, from a certain perspective. And now holding a simultaneous perspective of like, these two players that wander around in the field of limitation, completely insufficient, looking for someone to survive with, and not even knowing that that’s what they’re doing. And then finding a partner that according to The Chorus will most likely emphasize or enforce the aspects of limitation that we agreed to experience.
Sounds like a pretty shitty definition of romantic relationship.
Now, as I’m talking, I could probably guess, that all sorts of beliefs are activating. And it may even feel like I am flying through this way too fast to make sense, because the belief systems are probably holding up for you all other romantic relationships that you’ve had in this context, and saying, “well, that doesn’t fit. Well that does fit. Well does that mean that was that?” Right?
The belief systems activate very quickly in a lot of these distance topics, because the impact of awakening to these things, is even closer to impacting our physical environments than time is.
If you remember in the first book, there’s sort of a diagram of like the flow of energy, kind of through us and outward. As we awaken, you could say that those changes will follow the same flow of energy. Or also, you could say that it’s the inverse. So by first relaxing our perspectives on time, generally speaking, the situations that we find ourselves in sort of, kind of start to shift their focus. And then as we move through the concepts of distance, it is actually very tangible things in our environment that start to change in our surroundings. And then finally, as we come to the third engine of reality, the body, it is truly our embodiments that change. And then you know, it sort of like expands back out again. So then we see our environments differently, we experience situations differently.
So they told me once that we are most active, most churning on limitation in the things that are closest to our fields of perception. This is often why through awakening, we have such experiences in terms of bodily changes or illness. It’s because we are pressing in those experiences of awakening on that aspect of the egg, we’re cracking out of it.
It’s gonna be super tangible, the changes that maybe energetically we had been expanding into for years before we would say, “oh, that’s when my awakening started, is when I got sick.” True. And also, energetically, we are expanding all the time. And you could probably look further back in your history, in your lifetime, and say, “well, technically, I might have started awakening a decade before that.” Typically, for humans, we start to really feel things or become conscious of them when they are right about to manifest in our environment. Meaning, perceivable by the five senses. The energetic senses that we’re continuing to expand into and become more conscious of, are just coming into conscious perspective at the start of our awakenings.
That’s why most people consider the beginning of their awakening as something that occurred on the five senses. In my case, I would say I started awakening when I got really sick.
So if as I’m talking, you’re feeling like a whole new level of friction of like, “what the F? I can’t even keep up with what she’s talking about?” (Laughs) That’s right, we’re at a next level.
So you may remember having felt that way in some of the earlier episodes. And then, you know, you sort of like eased into this energetic stuff. And now, you’re right, we’re hitting a next level of expansion where more of these things are activating another layer of beliefs that we didn’t know were there, specifically, this giant umbrella that we’re going to be talking about this season, which is distance.
So good news is, this episode will be here forever (laughs). You can listen to it anytime. And also a lot of the things that I am introducing here under the topic of romantic relationships, we’re going to continue to talk about this season.
Okay, so The Chorus is basically like, you’re right, you’re starting to see it. You’re starting to see the aspects of all of your beliefs, particularly about all the ones about time, and how much time you had to live here and how much time you had to procreate here and how you needed to make a living and fend for yourself and whatever. And many of those beliefs are active, unconsciously. Trillions of them. And those are what often direct you into the selection of a partner for your entire lifetime or a period of your life.
And all I could think was, well, that sucks (laughs).
I felt the expansive nature of what I was starting to see, but I don’t know I just felt like, goddam, the further I go, the more the illusions are just like that, too? You know, it can go just kind of seem like an endless lie in these moments. It’s doesn’t always. But when something that you so firmly believed in turns out to have a different perspective on it, just the fact that there’s a different perspective than the one that you clung to so tightly is sometimes a rude part of awakening. And I definitely had that with this.
So one of the questions that I struggled with for months and months and months was then, well, what’s fidelity? What’s loyalty? I mean, if I picked someone that I thought I could survive with, and then I went through an awakening, which is supposed to be a more expansive version of loving and allowing of all that is, then shouldn’t I have been able to be you know, more, more tolerant of our differences? More okay with the fact that I went full speed down this path, and he went down a different path?
How do you span that distance between two people as they awaken to the aspects of the game that we’re all awakening to and as they both realize, potentially more of who they always were, or definitely more of who they’re becoming? I mean, what’s love if it can’t span that kind of distance?
They gave me about hours and hours and hours of answers, which we’ll get to, over the course of this season.
Perhaps the aspect of their answer, which still feels the most holdable, like I can hold, I can wrap my arms around this aspect of their answer, even though I’m still coming to terms with the rest of it. And one aspect of their answer to this question was, well, you’re sort of in the process of allowing everything that they are and that you are.
And kinda like we touched on last week about the pin and the pin hole. And like, you know, if I’m channeling and I step out, and The Chorus comes in, I’m actually still there. The Chorus is still there. But because of our five senses perspective, we can only see so much of the playing field at once.
And so we perceive it as Katie left and The Chorus came in. And as we expand more energetically, we will move into that place of being able to see each other on those energetic wavelengths where “go” when The Chorus arrives.
They likened this pinhole to the way we have looked at others, as we have selected them for marriage, or whatever it is. Business, partnership, friendship. There are certain ways that we view and evaluate others based on all of the judgments that activate in our belief system complex.
So unbeknownst to me, I’m evaluating you as a friend, because of the way you’re laughing, because of the things you’re talking about, kind of like we talked about in the episode on first impressions.
And so they said, “you’re evaluating someone else based on their fit for an experience of survival. And that evaluation is based upon the pinhole through which you look out into the universe.”
Which, if you’re tracking everything I’m running through here is equally grim, right? Not exactly good news, either. Nope, not not good there either Chorus, thanks.
But their point basically was, in starting to realize these things about my relationship and about myself, what I was starting to do was kind of pull tears in the pinhole and see more of the greater context that our relationship had functioned within.
And they said, “we know it may not seem so to your perspective, coming from the five senses, which is based upon commitment through survival, where you believe you are still surviving and that commitment, that thing that you thought you could depend upon, has been broken.”
They said, “as you go further, to see more of the context that is outside the pinhole, everything that’s happening now will not only make a great deal of sense, but you will also see how the aspects of what you are doing now by way of expansion, awakening, allowance, timelessness, all of these beliefs that we have all been moving through, as you move through all of this, and out the pinhole, you will also see how this choice was loving.”
Now, I would love to sit here right now and tell you that I have this whole view outside the pinhole. And I know that it was loving because of this and that and the other. And maybe there’s a part of me that kind of does, but it just hasn’t brought it down into this dimension yet.
But we don’t all get the luxury of that during a breakup, do we?
Like you just, you just have to go through the breakup. You have to accept that something that you thought was there, maybe once was but is no longer. You have to forgive the other person and forgive yourself for the things you tried that failed, for the ways you once looked for connection or aspects of the relationship. I mean the first step and starting to see more of the universe beyond the pinhole is kind of just recognizing that first, there was a pinhole.
I think it’s pretty amazing that today, The Chorus brought up basically consistency. And perhaps we can all understand now in a new way why consistency appeals to us so much in our relationships, romantic or non.
As we’ve talked about in other episodes, we don’t all change form billions of times per second (chuckles). We don’t change personality, billions of times per second. We expect our friends to check on us the way they always have, we expect our loved ones to say, “I love you” pretty much the way they always have. If one of them were to disappear on a trip the next morning, if they were to suddenly stop talking to us, if they were to go through a busy period and sort of disappear, we would consider that an inconsistency. And those inconsistencies shake the foundations of what we believe is evidence of a strong relationship.
It takes, as we all know, a very strong sense of love to trust others as they move outside of what we have come to know as their patterns of behavior. And moreover, it takes a great strength of relationship to go through periods of time in which there is a large physical distance between those in a relationship. Why? Well, we can’t really see what they’re doing (laughs). We feel a disconnection. Whether because it’s a good friend, and we don’t know how their life is going, and we’re missing something. Or because it’s a romantic partner and maybe we’re not sure if wherever they are, somewhere in the universe, they’re falling in love with somebody else.
So The Chorus is saying that maybe we held an idea of consistency here that had a lot to do with the actions that we expected in order for us each to evaluate how the relationship was going within a context that was vast and colossal and was founded upon our need for each other in order to survive.
Now what they might be pointing out is that the consistency that we also expected in that context, was a behavioral and geographic proximity that kept us all in a predictable series of patterns that consoled all the beliefs that always worried about and created the experience of needing someone.
When we stray apart from each other, in terms of life experiences, or geographic distance, all of these things get shaken to their core. And if it pervades long enough, there will be ways in which each person in the relationship will find as alternates for how to survive. Get closer to a different friend. And maybe sometimes you get closer to a different romantic partner. This is perhaps not a dismissal for the choices that many humans have made, where they have “cheated on” a romantic partner. But it is perhaps a vaster context of the beliefs which unconsciously drive the choices that many of us make in our relationships.
If you take a bunch of humans and sprinkle them across the gameboard, and drive them billions of times per second by beliefs in survival, and they find somehow they come into a situation where all their beliefs are telling them that that relationship that they were going to depend upon for survival is no longer there…You can see how, whether you call it trauma, undealt with issues, or whatever words we’re using this day for those beliefs, however much they feel like they need help from others, and are insufficient in themselves, will probably direct them to finding a new indifferent relationship for that survival.
Or said even more softly, we drift apart.
So then, maybe I can offer this. What would consistency look like outside the pinhole? If there’s anything that we can possibly hold on to through an experience of a breakup, where everything seems so confusing, and broken…Perhaps I can share this. Even though I don’t have all the answers yet, and I’m still trying to understand what the heck has gone on behind or beyond my narrow view of the universe, I think I have felt something like the consistency that The Chorus was talking about today. Where it is felt across distance and across time. Where there is no engine of this reality that can blind us to the true connections of our resonance and our hearts. Not fear, not shame, not guilt, all the many things that we have already discussed and will continue to, that we’re colossal enforcers of our limitation. All the things that turned us away potentially, from our greatest relationships. And here, I would define greatest as the ones that would be the most reinforcing and energizing of our expansion.
They do exist.
Connections that can be felt across and through all aspects of this game. Where we can see more clearly our own uniquenesses, our own aspects. The true “we”s that we are beyond the experience of limitation. And from that perspective, expansively resonate into the connections with those whom we love, and who love us in an experience of love, that is, and has been beyond our conscious understanding of existence and relationships that we have held within the game itself.
This is what The Chorus is alluding to when they talk about what is dependable.
That there is so much more beyond the game of limitation. There’s all of Creation. And that in those places, not only are there relationships that constantly fuel each other in terms of never-ending expansion. But that you can always feel them. They don’t wane, they don’t dissipate. And they don’t get lost because of a long separation. If anything, those experiences, those incredible aspects of limitation, only fuel more of the uniqueness that you are and they are, and deepen the connection,and grow the fires of love that burn between you.
What about that concept of a soul mate?
Well, I will say this. In the beginning of this whole process I thought that sounded like a terrible lie. If the universe was vast and I was coming to an understanding of my own self-sufficiency, then wouldn’t that mean that I should just be able to love myself? (Laughs). Maybe I can’t make a baby by myself here, and I can’t exactly physically love myself here. I mean, I guess you can, but I think we all hope for the warm embrace of somebody else’s arms besides just ours?
So if I’m supposed to be able to be more self-sufficient, and I’m awakening to everything that I am beyond the game of survival, then why would I even need a soul mate?
And The Chorus said, “oh, Beloved, we understand that perspective. Coming from where you have been, in this extraordinary experience of survival, where the only things you look for in the game are the things that you need.
“But we’re talking about an expansively loving place of never-ending joy and fun. And wouldn’t it be incredible and never-ending joy and fun, to constantly discover anew, an expansive someone who loves, and was meant for, all of expansively…you.”
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