Katie continues the discussion on the fractures of consciousness, and suggests how coming into our "higher selves" or that whole perspective, may be just the 1st step back out into the infinite. Relatedly, she shares more about her gridworking experiences with "The AO" (short for Ancient Ones), and how we may find greater potential for (re)construction by allowing through energetic perspectives - and our felt emotions of them - than trying to (re)build the physical debris. Enjoy! For more on 'The AO" (Ancient Ones), see Season 3, Episode 3, "The Definition of a Warrior & What Happened In Chaco Canyon?"
Welcome back, everybody. So it's early here. I was just sitting on the couch, watching the sun come up through my back window, wondering what the hell I was doing last night. Which is an awakening experience that I'm sure many of you have had. And feeling a little tired of the whole mystery. Sometimes mornings are the toughest, because there's flashes of memories and sensations and dreams. And often I know that many of us feel like, when we go to sleep at night, we start our second job.
So I was sitting there, analyzing what I can recall from last night. And realizing all over again, how different the analysis function is, from the heartfelt, inspired sense of things.
I had an important conversation a couple of weeks ago. And I really had this intention, but also, were sort of just in this place of needing to be in that heartfelt place. It just, I was there, I was resonant there in a way I couldn't explain. And we had this conversation. And I said many things. And afterwards, when I reflected on those things that I said from a mental perspective, I could not understand how those were the things that I thought to say. They didn't make any sense. They practically didn't respond even to the other person's points. They didn't feel logical, connective in a logical way. And my brain couldn't make sense of the conversation itself.
So I reflect on it further. And you know, I can still feel The Chorus's reassuring love, even if I don't get any of their explanations. And they sort of just vibrated in that happy feeling heartfelt place. Sort of as a way of indicating that, yes, I was in that heartfelt place. And also these things are different.
_The heartfelt place, will hold a different perspective of certain actions than the mental construct will_.
Your words in a conversation may seem illogical to the mind, particularly because the mind adds up and summarizes based on a - by many perspectives - small number of events that it can recall. In so doing, it creates a response based on this limitation, this limited set of memories, of perceptions, of personality, of goals, and reasons for having the conversation.
Now, we might think from our mental perspective, that these things are relatively consistent. Clearly I am who I am mentally throughout my whole life. But as many of us have experienced through awakening, we come to terms with the fact that there are big aspects of us that tend to sort of come and go. We talked about that a little bit over the last couple of weeks, about how when we're sensing the potential in someone, really what we might be sensing is their overall fabric. The divisions through which, the fractures through which, feel as though something is missing, and it is. It is that whole perspective that has been disrupted based on what happened a very long time ago.
So the mind redoubles this limitation by responding in a conversation based on a fractional perspective of the personality that you think you are in that moment, in this lifetime.
The heart, your larger energetic self, your electrical system, if we want to say it, will feel its way into that conversation because it has access to much, much bigger chunks of the infinite database.
So in that heartfelt place, you walk up to have the conversation with the person and find that very strange words come out of you. Maybe you should be totally pissed off at this person, you've calculated what they've done and what they didn't do and how many times they did it to you, and they've driven you totally nuts and you're tired of the abuse. Right? And the mental construct would say very particular things based on that summation. The heartfelt energetic side of you walks up, and instead something tumbles out of your mouth, that doesn't even potentially address the quote unquote, issue. That asks them a question that's completely different. Or that even continues to feel a way about them that defies logic. We talked about this last week as well.
There is a great deal of context that we have been missing here, by way of our choice to be limited, and then you know, also, what has happened in that limitation. As we've talked about, there is a very large gap between the day to day personality of you that you know, and then that pie in the sky, Higher Self, whole perspective that we sense and are coming to an understanding of.
I think early in the spiritual journey, as we've discussed in some of these episodes, it's easy to think that that's the end game. That we just like, get to our higher self and then that's it, right? We just float around in effervescence and joy and maybe even ecstasy for forever. And that is a way to look at it. But there is a great deal of context and understanding that sits in between these two ends of the spectrum that we're discussing - the day to day personality you, and the whole higher self you.
There are reasons for many of the things that you have done in your life, the way that you have chosen them. And then also the things that you have been drawn to from that heartfelt place, potentially even historical places that you have been drawn to. So there's more of the story that's going to come through from that heartfelt place that you are beginning to reconnect to across all the fractures. Said another way the distance is closing.
The fractures which used to hold apart our perspective, and really reinforce our inability to see all that we are, are collapsing. Or said another way we're expanding through them. So the distance that we used to experience between our perspective here and the ability to feel a connection, a direct connection, to these other historical places, are dissolving.
And that higher self that we sense, that whole perspective that we sense that's possible, I know it may sound a little strange to say this, but that's kind of just the beginning.
We were coming from a perspective where unknown and coming into known was maybe all we had ever hoped for. But there are many beings and there are many civilizations who don't experience these fractures, and are quite busy in Creation, going places, building things, discovering things, and even uncovering more of what they are in Creation.
So all of us coming back to our whole perspective, by some views is just step one. Of awakening, of adventure in Creation, of returning to the infinite, of stepping into the infinite for the first time, however you want to look at it. What we might have thought was the end all and be all of transcendence and ascendance may actually just be us sort of donning our gear, putting on our equipment to go back out into the infinite-ness of creation.
And more of the story awaits us there too.
Let's just say, hypothetically speaking of course, as with all things, anything can be viewed from an infinite number of perspectives. So nothing I'm about to say has to be believed wholesale. You don't have to take it all literally. It's an explanation. And if aspects of the explanation resonate with you, perfect, if they don't, perfect. You're becoming more clear on your own preference, which is really all that all of this is about
So let's say that may be a really long time ago in a very, very, very, very, very, very ancient civilization, we were still what we would call today, our higher selves. We did not have these fractures of consciousness. Our energetic bodies and our physical bodies were not even thought of as two different concepts yet. We were simply beings. It was a wholeness that was unquestioned, because it was a wholeness that perhaps, had never been experienced any other way.
So through the experiences that The Chorus lays out at the end of the second book in the history of forgetting, we experienced this disconnection to parts of self or disconnection to other frequencies where we resonated, however you want to look at it. So the fractures of consciousness you could say did happen in a series of cataclysms. But also, there were choices in between the cataclysms as well, that led to these disconnections.
With each disconnection, we sort of released a part of ourselves that had functioned within the whole, and established these barriers. As we talk about in the second book, shame is the lock of forgetting. When we experience shame, there is typically something behind it that would give us a clue or reconnect us to our more powerful, more complete self. But shame was such a powerful lock, because it felt so horrible that we would often turn away from it. Especially as our energetic sense of what was behind it disappeared, and we became more reactionary, more five senses focused, that sensation of shame was extremely powerful.
And I would suggest that the sensations of shame that we experience today may only be the first levels of the locks. There may be bigger pieces of you that are hiding behind maybe more galactic level locks of shame.
Now this is not to say that our road through Awakening is just kind of like one big shame train. Where each train car gets bigger and more awful than the last! It's not to say that. You could think about it in terms of degrees of intensity, but you could also think about it in terms of differing kinds of flavors of shame. This is difficult for us to imagine at this stage in Awakening, because we're just coming into our abilities to feel more and different emotions than we consciously remember having had. So it's not that shame will always feel just so cut and dried awful the way it sometimes does now, where it's like, "ooh, that's uncomfortable, that's awkward, that's cringe." It's, it's more that, as you expand in these directions, the locks of shame may take on a different sense of _an intense turning away from_ some part of you that you become aware of that you just can't stand a look at. Different versions of flavors of these things, may be part of the path for a little while, as we undo the locks that we created and reconnect to those frequencies or those parts of ourselves that are behind them.
Now, if you remember from Book Two, the reason why we disconnected ourselves from these frequencies, the reason why we chose to forget, is because we had doubts about what happened to those around us when we were connected to those parts. Those greater godlike powers, we might even say. We had had effects on civilizations around us that we perhaps had different visions for than how they had gone. We had learned, perhaps not to trust our own desires. Because when we felt as though we had the answer, and intervened or built a thing or set up a thing, it often went wrong in a very, very big way. Wrong by our view.
Now where does limitation begin and end? If these are stories from a very, very, very ancient time by our view, could they also be viewed at as being already somewhere down the path of Awakening, or somewhere down the path of limitation depending on how you look at it. Because if we are already experiencing something that we might call mistakes, well, by The Chorus's is view, we would already be pretty heavy into limitation. Because where The Chorus is everything's infinite. And you can't really make a mistake because nothing ever goes away. I mean, it's just all infinite, it just comes back again. So there's really not a concept of destruction. And yet by this time, we were already destructive. And we were becoming, what The Chorus calls in their second book, The Baleem, a destructive force that was known in the universe. And we forked off from the Baleem because we started to feel bad about that destruction.
So this is why the road, the gameboard, the experience in the universe might be a lot, lot bigger than maybe some of us had originally thought. We are awakening to a story that is many, many, many, many eons old, depending on how you look at time, and expansiveness. Or you could also say, is many, many, many, many frequencies large. This story reaches across many places. And it's sort of just the starting point of understanding, we are putting ourselves back together from the fractures that were created by these choices of limitation and of disconnection.
There's a whole story that awaits beyond that fork in the road. This is why, as we walk back to an understanding, or expand through and beyond an understanding of that fork in the road, we're walking through that part of our history of the feeling bad, where we made these choices to disconnect, where we utilized these locks of shame.
So kind of would make a little bit of sense that for this interim period, there may be parts of us that we awaken to that are connected - until we unlock them - to this feeling sense of _needing to turn away from_ this parts of us.
We had reasons. We had reasons to do this. And to create these energetic structures. We felt that if we were connected to these parts of ourselves, we would do damage to others, because we had done damage.
This is why there is a lot going on with gridwork.
Now, many of you are probably familiar with this term grid working. And many of you may not realize how often you're doing it.
So grid work is the idea that there is an energetic structure, lattice, support system, sort of in this reality or on this planet, in this realm, however you want to define it. And that, as we sort of awaken to and remember these different parts of ourselves, we may be called back to different places, physical places, where we do a thing. And that thing is said to reconnect light from our realm to wherever the light comes from. It's sort of like if all the tethers, if all the connections were just cut, right, then when we go back, and we do this grid working, we're reconnecting it.
Now, as a grid worker, I guess, based on the places I've been taken to geographically around the world, and have done some of this stuff, I have to say that my experience of the grid working has as much to do with the physical place, as it does with the emotions of the place, and my perspective, and connecting to other perspectives that were at one point living in that same geographic place, or are also currently living in a parallel version of that geographic place. Said another way, there are different parts of our perspectives that I am reconnecting to.
Now this gets a little dicey, because it's sort of like, well, who's who? Am I connecting to an aspect of myself on another time place? Or are there also others?
And after many experiences, I have to say that the answer for me to this question is both.
Early on when I connected to the AO (Ancient Ones), I felt that they were definitely very different than me. Because I had no logical, no mental connection, to anything that they were talking about.
I told the story about Chaco Canyon early in this season, and I'll tell more stories as well, but safe to say that whenever they came in, they seem to be attached to the geographic location. They took me by surprise. They came in and felt much more physical than The Chorus ever did. And I also could not even guess what it was that they were going to show me or tell me about in that place. Because of this, they were, I would say, basically a direct, heartfelt connection. I had no mental construct, not even a daydream, an imagining, a guessing or foretelling, an analysis, or any thought that connected to anything that they had to say, or to do in these geographic places. It was always a complete surprise.
However, when I wandered through these historical places, it was an overwhelming flood of emotions that I would start to feel. They were very strong. And they were very clear, but they were also very real time.
The more places that I went to with the AO, the more it felt like they were looking at that geographic place, through my energy field, through my electrical system, my heart, at the way I was currently viewing it from my place, while remembering it, or potentially still experiencing it in a different version, in their place.
So it would be a lot like you and I live together in a house. And then something happens one day and I say, "somebody's going to come and try and take this house." And we agree that the best way to protect the house is to disconnect certain frequencies of that house. Maybe we'll call it the Energetic House, and leave energetically with that version of the house.
So off you go, right, with the energetic version of the house, the energetic version of you. And here I stay, in these frequencies, in this version of the house. And then something happens to this version of the house. And it all gets blown to smithereens. And me too. One day I wake up. And I start looking around. And I say, "wait a second, it looks like there used to be a house here! What's all this rubble that I've been growing corn and crops over all this time? How did how did this get here? Look at this! There's these cement blocks and these stone things, and they look like they used to fit together. And I don't know how to do this. So who built the house?"
Okay. Now what I don't know is that I built the house. And there used to be more of the house. There used to be this whole energetic aspect of this house, and spanning many different frequencies. And it did many different things.
Okay. And so the way to reconnect those pieces, we might say, from our five senses perspective, is to put the house back together. So figure out how the stone worked, figure out how the rocks worked, pile them back up again, in the configuration that they were before, and then the house is back. But is it? Even if I put the physical structure back together again, the energetic side of the house, which I am still even just in my infancy of beginning to sense, is not connected.
This is what I alluded to in the episode before last about singing to the stones.
If you look around, and you see the debris, and you start to sing to a stone as in like a "get back together, you sorry, mess! Become the structure again, that I loved!" The stones might be a little offended, because you are singing from a resonance of the destruction itself, which is what we are awakening from.
Okay, so let's say now I'm sitting in this debris, and I'm still trying to figure out how to put it back together. And I'm very confused about what happened. But somehow I'm in my heart. And I feel something. And it's you! It's you knocking on the door from the energetic side, and my heart is doing this weird thing and I'm like, "whoa! Feels like someone's really trying to communicate, but it feels a little different than The Chorus. Gosh it feels like they're right next door!" And then you open to the possibility of possibility. And you let that energy come through. And what you feel is a wave of emotion.
Now in this case, the wave of emotion is what I feel being in the debris connecting to you on your energetic side of the fence, and you look through my heart and you see the destruction for the very first time. And you are overwhelmed with grief. And then I am overwhelmed with grief.
And that's kind of what it feels like sometimes when I'm walking around with the AO doing grid work. It is a reconnection of perspectives. It is a reconnection to loved ones that are sprinkled all over the gameboard. But sometimes that very first step of reconnection is seeing. And realizing. And becoming conscious of new aspects of everything that has gone on here.
It's that context that we're talking about between "I'm asleep here in the game, or have been" and that whole perspective, Higher Self. These pieces coming back together is an adventure and an exploration and will be _felt_ by many of us.
Now what happens after you look through my electrical system for the first time and see what happened to the house after you left? Well, that might be the first step to actually quote unquote, putting it back together. Because we're not just rearranging the debris on our side of the fence, we are reconnecting it energetically to the rest of the Universe.
And so when we sing a song from that perspective, allowing the grief, allowing the views of the others to see what has happened here, allowing ourselves to see where they are, and what goes on there. That is a vibration of wholeness and coming back together again. And to construct from that place, will recreate or create, for the very first time, a very different kind of harmony with the elements that surround us, and therefore beget a very different kind of structure. One that might even surpass the original house that we had built.
Did we live in the house together at one point? Yes, that is a valid perspective, in a sea of infinitely valid perspectives. You were at one point of them, who moved on into those energetic frequencies, potentially. There are an infinite number of paths.
But when I connect to the AO, it could be said that I was at one time an AO. And also, I am here. I am of this place, the same way that many of you are too. And there are others who are there, who are not here.
As usual, it's not a singular perspective. It's not a simple explanation. It's layered. It's nuanced. It's infinite. And it's varied. There are real beings and real others who are interested in the reconnection of this realm to those frequencies, because they miss many of the ones who were left behind. Because they want things that pertain to what is currently occurring in our realm, on our planet, however you like to say it. And also, there are memories that will return to you as well as you reforge these connections, because you are also - in opening to the possibility of those frequencies - reconnecting to aspects of yourself.
It's one and both and many and all.
So wherever you go today, and whatever pieces of debris you might be waking up to in our reality. Just know that their stories in all of them. It really is just the beginning. We have all the time in the world because we are reconnecting to all times.
And even more fun than that? Is that you are loved, infinitely.
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